Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
