the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
