grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
