sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
