Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
