so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
