did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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