You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
