why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
