Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.