dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
