i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it