Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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