I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
