After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
