Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
