Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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