Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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