I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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