Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
