I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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