He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is the high leading the old right now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
