I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
