she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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