Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
