Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
