you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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