sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
