So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
