She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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