I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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