she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
