I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
