This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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