I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
