No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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