Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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