My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
