theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
