Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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