If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
