I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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