Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
