My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jerry, you need to find god
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
