Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
