batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
