Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
