she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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