I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
