im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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