Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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