You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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