I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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