D3 body, D1 cock
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
