guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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