Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
