Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
