That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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