You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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