i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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