Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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