We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
