i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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