My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
