Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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