Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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