I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
