It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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