I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How's work?
Spinning.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
