She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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