Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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