some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
