He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
