Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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