u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
