Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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