I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
