I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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