The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
