I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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