If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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